..:..YEAR 2008's RESOLUTION..:..

..FORGET THE PAST; HEADS FOR BETTER FUTURE..

..A BRAND NEW LIFE - SINGLEHOOD a.k.a SINGLE FOREVER..

..SPENT MORE TIME ON ME, MYSELF & I..

..LOVE ONLY ME, MYSELF & I MORE..

..SHARE LOVE ONLY AMONGST MY FAMILY AND FRIEND..

..GO FOR MORE CALM, PEACEFUL AND MODERATE LIFE..

..FOCUS MORE ON WHAT YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE..

..WORK HARD AND SAVE A LOT OF MONEY FOR YEAR-END TRIP..

..GO AFTER ALL THAT I WANNA DO IN LIFE TAT NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO DO BEFORE..

..STAY AWAY FROM UNNECESSARY, UNWORTHY MATTERS..

..AVOID "UNINVITED GUESTS"..

..TAKE UP SOME SHORT COURSES TO FRESHEN MIND..

..CONTINUE MY DIET PROGRAMME..

..CONTINUE MY EXERCISE REGIME..

..READ MORE BOOKS TO WIDEN MY KNOWLEDGE..

..LASTLY, ENJOY THE LIFE AS LONG AS IT LASTS..

MONDAY..Juz another day!

Today I went to return my books & DVD to Woodlands Civic Ctr's NLB..Search for some more reading materials..

Yesterday, I made up my mind tat I wanna focus on my life 100% from now onwards..I'd tried my best to work the relationship back again..But if only me making an effort while my partner simply preferred to cast himself away into deep silence, no success will be achieved..I'm not giving up but I juz wanna focus on my future..

Tonight Assyura told me tat she will be migrating overseas in January 2008..There goes my another fren out of my life..Sad..but living in SG simply getting so expensive as years passed by..I informed Assyura tat if I get the Nursing scholarship, I will focus on it and mark my way until I am able to get a place working in UK or any European countries..

Yes! Both of us - Assyura and me did planned to migrate as soon as possible..Now, Assyura is making the 1st move..As for me, it's gonna be few more years down the road..Insya Allah..I will leave SG aft my 40th Birthday or before depending on wat is reserved for me next year 2008..If I dun get tat Nursing scholarship, I will most probably studied Accountings or Law..

Sorry to say this..There's absolutely NOTHING meaningful in SG actually for people like Assyura and me..Life getting tougher and tougher each day in our own country of birth..Happiness only with the facts of having family and frenz ard us..But the true meaning of happiness as a woman seemed to fade as days passed by..We only SURVIVING bcoz we're left with no other choice! Yes, so sad to say it though..

Then, Assyura expressed her uneasiness when I was reacting as if my life is OVER recently..The spirit of living simply GONE when Cris left me..I assured her tat I was only reacting like tat for awhile..

Actually, I did bumped into an old pal..
Did tell him the whole story of wat I had gone thru'..

He commented -
"Tatz not the girl I used to know..The girl I used to know never fear being dumped by any man coz she's very confident with herself tat she will definitely find someone NEW..so, wat happened to tat girl which is YOU?".

His statement made me recalled the person I used to be..Yes! I'm aint beautiful and my figure never reduced coz I was born as a full-figured person but I never have problem finding someone to love me before..What actually had happened to me?
Cris is juz a man..who is Caucasian..old (I dun care abt it)..I can find someone like him or even better than him if I want to..Why did I reacting as if I was mourning for him? Personally, I was so devastated when Cris turned his back on me n left..

Aft tat meet..I realised wat being said by my pal was RIGHT!

I dun need MAN who doesn't need me..
I have so much LOVE and there are ppl ard me who cherish and treasure my LOVE..
A woman doesn't need a husband if having one juz add more misery in her life..
But a man really needs a wife to 'clean up all his mess' either in life or at home..

Tatz wat I told Assyura..She expressed her happiness to know tat I no longer thinking of my life being meaningless and my spirit to live had died..

Still, looking back at it - all incidents..I couldn't deny tat I am disappointed with all those ppl involved..

Why on earth I keep on bumped to such BLOODY JERKS & BITCHES in my life..? Well..Sometimes in life, you can't avoid these kinda people..Like we can't pleased everyone in this world..

Good nite to all..

"My sparkling starz..
Reserve the smiles for me..
Make happiness to fill up all the gaps in my life..
Merci.."

Au revoir..

NOT CREATED FOR ANYONE

Few days back, my Umi prompted me abt settling down a.k.a marriage..
Cris didn't make it to meet my parents as planned..
My Umi suggested to me to juz settled down with Harlem instead..
I told my Umi the reasons why I moved out of the 15 years relationship with Harlem..
I think too much abt others' feelings..
I dun wanna build happiness above others' miseries..
So, I made the decision to let it go..
I still hold on firmly to my promise..
Harlem is the last Asian-Malay Muslim man in my life..
Tatz why I chose to be with someone foreign which was Cris..
Unfortunately, between Cris and me came to an end too early..
Still, I hold on firmly the promise I made with Harlem before..

So, my Umi asked how long I wanna stay like this?
I gave a deep totz abt this matter - Commitment a.k.a. marriage..
For the past few days, I think and think..
It either my religion or my marital status..
What religion got to do with this matter?
Well, it's aint easy to find someone FOREIGN like Cris as life partner..
Especially bcoz of my belief n faith - RELIGION!
In my religion, my partner has to be in the same belief n faith..
And not everybody can accept tat..
As I will NEVER trade my religion with anything..
I came to a final decision today..
Sorry everyone - especially my parents n kiddo..
I know tat I did say tat I gonna settle down in 2-3 years down the road..
Now I have to 'take back' tat..
I had decided to stay UNMARRIED a.k.a. SINGLE FOREVER..
Not tat I am still upset with all tat had happened in my life so far..
I not biased or very angry with MEN..
Personally, I find this decision is the best one I ever made..
I am so relieve aft making the decision..
NO REGRET!
Yes, I had let everyone down n I had apologised..
I can't pleased everyone in this world, can I?

So, from now onwards..
I beg and I plead to everyone ard me..
STOP bugging me with questions abt settling down coz it's not gonna happen ever..
STOP sending me any wedding invitation coz I will never attend it, SORRY!
STOP lecturing me abt the SATISFACTION of having own family coz I dun give a damn!
STOP criticising me for being INCOMPLETE WOMAN juz bcoz I'm unmarried n not giving birth to any child of my own..
STOP irritating me with all kinda relationship problems coz I'm not a qualified marriage consultant..
So, please leave me out from all those kinda 'marital' matters..
I gonna work hard and save a lot from now onwards..
I will move into my own place once I qualified n able to afford one..
Juz let me lead my own kinda life - being SINGLE..
Juz be HAPPY for me, will you?
Hopefully,..
After this I will have my own SPACE tat I always look fwd to so far..
I am able to do all those activities I longed to do since young..
I am able to be who I really am..

Thank you for your understanding..

Tatz all I am expressing tonight..
Tatz all I have to write in my blog this time..
Good Night everyone..
Sweet dream..

'Upon the star..
I made a wish tat from tomorrow onwards, my life will be more livelier n happier..
My future will be brighter and better..'

Make a wish b4 begin the test…

Put the following 5 animals the order your preference

Cow, Tiger, Sheep, Horse, Pig

ANSWER: MY PRIORITIES

Tiger - Pride

Horse - Family

Pig - Money

Cow - Career

Sheep - Love

Write one word to describe each one of the following:

Dog, Cat, Rat, Coffee, Sea

ANSWER: PERSONALITY
Dog – Loud : implies my own personality
D.A: So true..I speak my mind ALOUD!

Cat – Lovable : implies partner’s personality
D.A: Almost all my exs are lovable..

Rat – Small : implies enemy’s personality
D.A: Shhhhhhh...

Coffee – Black : my interpretation of SEX
D.A: Darkness is romantic???

Sea – Calm : implies my own life
D.A: Yup..sometimes chaotic but most of the time always calm..

Think of someone who also knows you and is important to you, which you can relate them to the following colours. Name just one person for each colour.

Yellow, Orange, Red, White, Green

ANSWER: THAT SOMEONE IN MY LIFE
Yellow – Harlem : Someone you will never forget.
D.A:
True! His kindness n his love will never be forgotten by me. Tatz why he's my god-brother now.

Orange – Nana (my sista) : Someone you consider true friend
D.A:
She drives me crazy but can't make me hate her ever..Sistas Forever!!!

Red – Xavier : Someone you really love
D.A:
I never knew abt this..gosh! If this is TRUE, no problem accepting Xavier as he dun mind converting...Amiiiiiiin!

White – Crispin : Your twin soul
D.A:
So true! What he's doing to me is exactly what can be in my mind. Both of us are Scorpios..remember?

Green – My Umi : Someone you will remember for the rest of your life
D.A:
Yes! She drives me nuts when she ask me to settle down soon..Still, she's the one who gives me the chance to see this world..My Umi a.k.a. Mom...

Write down your favourite number and day of the week.

ANSWER:
No. 8 : sent test to as many people as my favourite number
Friday : your wish will come true on the day that you recorded

...M.A.R.K...or..M.A.R.C...

If Vivian (Starring Julia Roberts) in 'Pretty Woman' loves the name 'Edward'(starring Richard Gere), I love the name 'MARK' or 'MARC'..

MARK or MARC is my most favourite (man's) name in the world..Why? Bcoz it's easy to remember, pronounce and sounds nice to my ears..Unfortunately, none of my exs' name is MARK or MARC..hehehehe..no luck!

Here are some MARK or MARC tat attract my immediate attention n deep interest..hehehehe

MARK WAHLBERG
An actor who looks so cool,macho and a hunk..

MARK MCGRATH
The singer to group SugarRay is HOT and stylist..

MARK HAN
The former lawyer I work for who loves to scream but actually he's a great man..


Hopefully more MARK I will get to know in the future..

P.S.L.E. result OUT!!!!

Tatz my nephew, Eddie
P.S.L.E. result was OUT!
My nephew, Eddie scored 199 points...Not bad!
CONGRATZ dude..
I knew he can make it coz since young he always been a GENIUS..
He started to speak when he was only 6 or 8 mths old like his mom - kiddo!
By 1 year old he could approached a neighbour n said 'baby girl'..cute rite?
However..as normal boy, he's quite playful n always creating unnecessary troubles like me(I'm not a boy but reacting like one) juz to seek attentions..whoahahahaha..
He's my nephew who can cry easily even before I can even grab a cane..hehehehe..
He's quite SENSITIVE..his sista, my 'princess' Wawa is tougher than him - to my surprise!
Above all,..
I will always remember him as the 1st baby who slept on my chest..
The 1st baby I kissed, scolded n teased so much when he was younger..
Back then, he's the only ONE for me...
Now,..aiyoyo..Wawa always 'chase' him away...hehehehehehe..

DREAM AGAIN

Yesterday nite I dreamt something confusing..

*****************************************************************************
I was at a carpark when I saw a woman walking..
She looks so familiar..
I tried to recall her name..
I got it!
Called out her name..
She stopped walking and turned around..

"It's been a long time yeah..How are you? Why look so sad?" I started the conversation.

She looked straight at me..

"My beau had passed away. You did not get the news? You are staying nearby his residence rite?"she replied.

My eyes grew so big..
I was puzzled..

"Oh ya..I forgot tat you were away..I'm sorry.."she added.

We chatted for awhile - did some catching up with each other's life. Realised tat it's been ard 4 years since the last time we spoke to each other and thru' her I got to know tat it's been 2 years since I left Singapore. She had completed her Degree and it was tough for her coz' her beau passed away few months before her convo..

"Wow! It's been so tough for her indeed," my heart whispered.

"Take care. Whenever you are in Singapore, do visit me yeah..Same address.." she said before walked away.

Someone juz called up my name to hurry me. As I was walking toward the car, my mind still wondering abt what had juz happened. So confusing seeing her walked away looking so sad. When I drove out of the carpark, she was nowhere to be found..
*****************************************************************************

When I woke up..
I was still confused abt the dream..
I juz prayed everythings will be 'OK' for her..
Well..dream is juz illusion of one's mind during resting time..

What a dream!